Playing Dirty
by WeWantsIt
Summary: Draco and Theodore love annoying Hermione. She tells them she can drink them under the table. Ginny has something big to tell Harry. Ron and Lavender are annoyingly in love. The result of everything? DIRTY PLAY! AU. HP/GW RW/LB HG/TN DM/PP...for now
1. A Drink or 6 with Slytherins

Summary: Draco and Theodore love annoying Hermione. She tells them she can drink them under the table. Ginny has something big to tell Harry. Ron and Lavender are annoyingly in love. The result of all this? A sneaky war! HP/GW RW/LB HG/TN DM/PP... for now

Notes: 7th year. AU (Characters are the same, but no one's really bad and Voldemort died when he attempted to kill Harry the first time.) Slight OOCness. Rated T for maybe some language and some sexual mentionings ahead, but nothing graphic (will warn ahead of time though). Recently changed title from "Seventh Year" to "Playing Dirty" because I actually came up with a plan!

**Playing Dirty**

Hermione Granger was annoyed. Extremely annoyed. She absolutely hated when her house had victory parties in the Gryffindor common room. Alright, so maybe she didn't absolutely hate it. Sometimes they were rather fun, and yes sometimes she enjoyed getting drunk with her fellow housemates. But tonight was not one of those nights.

Ron and Lavender were giving extremely graphic public displays of affections. Seriously, did they not believe in leaving things to the imagination? And Harry and Ginny were off in some secluded corner of the school, most likely snogging their brains out. Ah, well at least they opted not to do it in public. The point was Hermione's two best friends were not even there to get drunk with and she really had no desire to get drunk with anyone else in Gryffindor house. Last time several of the boys had made advances on her, much to her disturbance. Another time, Lavender and Parvati had insisted she hook up with Neville in a game of seven minutes in heaven, and Hermione had to decline that offer by latching on to Cormac for the night, which proved to be an even worse idea. So tonight, Hermione was not going to join in on the party. She'd go to the library instead.

It was a Saturday and she was almost certain that the other houses were partying as well. Not many people were out in the corridors and she could've sworn she heard some loud music coming from the Ravenclaw tower. The library was a perfect place to go and it was the perfect time to be there.

She entered, said hello to Madam Pince, and sighed happily as she took a seat in her favorite seat at the library.

It was perfect. She saw a couple of first years in the corner and maybe a few second years scattered around. She hadn't the slightest idea why, as those two years weren't very important as far as studying went, but she shrugged and opened up _Hogwarts, A History_.

Two boys entered the library and caught her eye, which was saying something as no one ever caught her eye, especially in the library.

They were both tall, one with silvery-blonde hair and the other with dark brown. Ah, two wonderful gits from Slytherin. The epitome of annoyance. After a glance at them, she decided they weren't important to be looking at anymore and she went back down to her book.

Of course, that's when the two boys plopped right down at the two seats in front of her. She was even more annoyed. She found the perfect time to be in her favorite place and it had to be ruined. But she would try to ignore this odd but recently frequent happening and didn't look up from her book.

"I really don't see why you read that when you've read it about a thousand times already," Draco Malfoy said lazily.

"Yeah, Granger, honestly, read another book," Theodore Nott added.

Hermione looked up from her book and glared at the two boys in front of her. "Don't you two have someone else to bother? There's some first years over there…"

"But you're our favorite person to bother," Draco said happily. "You just get so annoyed."

This is when Hermione remembered that even the library wasn't safe anymore. More than often, Draco and Theodore liked to talk to her in the library which resulted in Madam Pince kicking all three of them out and Hermione huffing and puffing as she walked away.

"So why aren't you celebrating with your friends, Granger?" Theodore asked.

"I can answer that," Draco said with a smirk. "I think I saw Potter and the Weasley girl snogging in a corner. I think it bothers her. I guessed a long time ago Granger fancied Potter."

Hermione gritted her teeth, "For your information, I do NOT fancy Harry. We are just friends, as are Ron and I, not that any of that is any of your guys' business."

"So who is it you fancy, Granger?" asked Theodore curiously. A little too curiously, for Hermione's liking at least.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "I don't fancy anyone, Nott."

"I told you she's an alien," Draco said knowingly. "I bet you're still a virgin, huh? You're probably the only 7th year virgin left in the school!"

Hermione glared at him and said hotly, "Why you little prick! What makes you think I'm still a virgin?"

"Oh, I don't know. Bookworm, never seen publicly with a boy, lack of sexual chemistry with either of yourbest friends… " Draco said.

"You haven't seen me outside the classroom or even this library, Malfoy!"

"So you're saying you aren't a virgin?"

"That's precisely what I'm saying!" Hermione whispered loudly. She looked at their smug faces and realized she'd fallen for the bait.

"Who was it then?" Theodore asked. "Anyone we know?"

"I am not having this conversation with you two," Hermione said, her cheeks deeply flushed.

"It's probably because you're lying," Draco said.

Hermione kept her mouth shut tight. She did not want to fall for anymore of their stupid tricks to get her to answer personal questions.

"You're probably right, Malfoy. I doubt she even drinks. If she did, she'd probably be up with her friends having a good time. Have you ever seen her do anything remotely bad in the Head Boy and Girl room?" Theodore asked.

"Nothing at all," Draco said, shaking his head.

"Of course I drink!" Hermione said hotly. Did they think she was a nun or something?

"Do you?" Theodore asked.

"Yes."

"Do you actually drink enough to get drunk?" Draco asked.

"Of course! What's the point if you don't?"

"Have you ever kissed anyone drunk?" Draco asked again.

"Yes!" she answered exasperatedly.

"Played a drunk game?" Theodore asked now.

"Yes!"

"Had sex drunk with someone at this school?" Draco asked.

"YES!" Hermione nearly screamed.

"So it was someone we know?" Theodore smirked.

Hermione did a double take and realized the amount of information she had just revealed. She groaned and gathered her things and, like usual, huffed and puffed as she walked out, glaring daggers at the two boys before leaving.

But they followed her and once they were in the halls she cast the Muffliato charm on any nearby classrooms and yelled at them.

"Would you leave me alone?"

"So why is it your two best friends have girlfriends and yet you're still single?" Draco asked.

"Because I don't want a boyfriend! I don't need one!" Hermione yelled.

"I still don't believe you drink," Theodore said.

Hermione laughed maniacally, throwing her head back. "I can drink both of you under the table!"

"Is that a challenge?" Draco asked curiously.

Hermione thought about her next words carefully. It was Saturday. There were no exams. She actually was annoyed that Ron and Harry were too busy for her. She didn't want to go back to the party and get attacked by Cormac. She could've just gone back to her Head Girl dorm and went to sleep, but since she shared common rooms with Draco she probably wouldn't hear the end of this conversation. So she decided to be irrational for once and throw all logic out the window, and just have fun. It was her seventh year and though she'd gotten drunk before, she'd never gotten drunk with two stupid Slytherins. She could drink them under the table, and she would prove it.

She pointed at them both. "Yes! That's a challenge! And if you're up to it, I will prove it to you tonight."

Both of the boys looked equally surprised.

"Are you sure about this?" Theodore asked.

Hermione shook her head and snickered, "I knew you two were all talk. I'll be in my common room, enjoying Firewhiskey all to myself. Slytherin prats…"

And she walked away towards the Head dormitories, leaving the two boys to decide.

She wasn't lying when she said she would sit in the common room and have a firewhiskey, because at that moment that's exactly what she was doing. She didn't drink a lot, of course, only had a few sips, but she waited. She knew they'd be there.

The door to their common room opened and she smiled mockingly at the two boys.

"So you decided to show up, eh?"

"Couldn't let you have all the fun by yourself, Granger," Theodore said with a smirk.

The two boys sat down next to her as she conjured three shot glasses out of the air.

"What should we take the first shot to, boys?" Hermione asked, pouring the glasses with firewhiskey.

"To virgins," Draco smirked and lifted his shot glass.

"Why, Malfoy? Are you still one?" Hermione asked pleasantly.

He glared at her and she smiled. The three of them raised their glasses and took the first shot of the night.

About six shots later, the three of them were completely hammered.

"I'm – I'm not drunk!" Hermione slurred. "I'm totally drinking you guys table the under!"

"Yeah, okay, Gran – ger," Draco said sloppily. He was the most trashed out of the three so far.

"I bet I can ask you anything right now, and you'll totally answer!" Hermione said.

"I bet the same on you!" Draco said.

Hermione raised her glass again. "Maybe after another shot."

They took their seventh shot.

"It goes down smoother every time," Theodore noted, squinting one eye and staring at his shot glass like his life depended on it.

"Have you ever slept with anyone besides Pansy, Malfoy?" Hermione asked.

Theodore laughed out loud.

"Wha?" Draco said, slumping over on the couch. "I would never cheat on Pans. I never slept with Astoria, I swear!"

"Whoa," Hermione said. "I didn't ask to know all that. Is everyone in your house a slut?"

Draco grabbed Hermione by the collar and looked at her eagerly, "You won't tell, will you?"

Hermione just giggled.

"So who was it you had sex with, Granger?" Theodore asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hermione asked, filling her glass again. "Maybe after this shot."

"Geez, you weren't lying when you said you could drink!" Draco said, sighing heavily. "I'm actually going to skip this one."

"Suit yourself!" Hermione said, clanking glasses with Theodore. She wiped her mouth messily with the back of her hand. "You can't tell anyone though!"

"Wha?" Draco slurred.

"It's really embarrassing," Hermione said. "And no one, not even Harry and Ron, knows about it. I obliviated him the next morning because I was so horrified."

"Was it that bad?" Theodore asked.

"I don't quite remember. I was pretty dru-drunk," Hermione stammered. "But I'm sure it was."

Draco curled himself into a ball. "I'm so drunk right now!"

"It was McLaggen," she whispered.

Even Draco shot up from his drunken reverie and gaped at her, "McLaggen? Oh, man! That's brutal."

"That is gross," Theodore said distastefully.

Hermione shivered. "Don't remind me."

A few minutes later, Draco was passed out on the floor. Theodore and Hermione weren't quite sure how the hell he got on the floor in the first place, but they both agreed that they did hear a thump somewhere before that happened.

"Always knew the git was all talk," Hermione commented with a burp. "Whoops. Excuse me."

"So that's all? Just McLaggen?" Theodore asked.

"Why are you so curious!" Hermione asked.

"I donno. I just never saw you as someone who would sleep around. I mean I had thought maybe you and Weasley got it on, maybe even Potter-"

"God no! And I don't sleep around, like you Slytherin sluts," Hermione interrupted. "What about you Nott?"

He was quite straightforward. "Daphne, Pansy, though don't tell Malfoy about that. Well, he already knows, just don't remind him. It was a drunk night and they weren't even together at the time. Some girl from Hufflepuff – it was a random night and Malfoy wanted to crash one of their basement parties. I'm not sure if it was a Ravenclaw or Gryffindor that one night…"

"You really are all sluts. I mean, everyone in the school! Not just Pansy gets around…"

"Err…"

Hermione giggled. "You've gotten around too! I can't imagine what Gryffindor would want to sleep with a Slytherin though."

"You'd be surprised. I bet you've thought about it."

Hermione snickered, "Me? Think about sleeping with a Slytherin? There's hardly anyone attractive enough in your house!"

Theodore frowned. "With the attention Malfoy and I get, I'd hardly say there's no attractive guys in our house…"

"Pfft," Hermione said. She threw an arm around Theodore's shoulders and turned his head to get a good look at his face. She stared at him intently, or as intently as she could while under the influence. She looked at Draco, passed out on the floor and noted that he actually looked quite serene and handsome while asleep. She then glanced back at Theodore. "You're right. You and Malfoy aren't so bad, with my drunk goggles on at least." And she giggled again.

Theodore pushed a strand of hair behind Hermione's ear. "You aren't so bad yourself."

"I know that," Hermione joked. But she couldn't give another giggle because right then Theodore's mouth was on hers and the rest of the night was a blur.

It wasn't pretty the next morning when the three of them woke up. Bottles of firewhiskey were everywhere, broken shot glasses were on the table, pillows and clothes were thrown about, and Draco was still on the floor when he looked up at a naked Hermione and Theodore tangled around each other on the couch. They all looked at each other and screamed.

ooo

A/N: I'm honestly just writing this for fun. Don't take it too seriously! I'm writing a really dark story and a kind of realistic romantic drama, and I wanted to venture into the typical teenage world of hormones and alcohol! Should I continue?


	2. Morning Engagements & Gossip

**Chapter Two**

Harry and Ginny were in the confines of an empty and abandoned classroom near the Gryffindor tower. Why there were so many abandoned classrooms remained a mystery to even Dumbledore himself, but they were of great use to the students at Hogwarts, Harry and Ginny being the particular lucky students that night.

Tonight, however, Ginny knew there was something different in the air. This secret she had was eating her up inside and she knew she could not continue with this relationship unless she confessed this secret to Harry. She saw girls eyeing Harry and soon they'd discover her secret and try to break them apart. So it was better that she tell him herself.

Ginny cleared her throat just as Harry was about to dive in for another kiss. "Harry, there's something I need to tell you."

Harry smiled with that lopsided and lovesick smile he always had etched upon his face when he was with his girlfriend. "Tell me then, Gin."

Suddenly Ginny looked apprehensive and a little bit scared. "Well, I…"

"Come on, Gin, it can't be that bad."

Ginny wished to Merlin it wasn't, but it was pretty bad. "Well, no, it's pretty bad."

"I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle," Harry assured.

"Now, Harry, you do love me, right?" Ginny said. _Because after this I'm not sure you will_.

Harry lopsided grin left his face as he sobered up. "Of course. Now just tell me already before I have a bloody heart attack."

"See, Harry, it's never that simple… and I'm telling you because I want to be honest with you," Ginny said. _Because it's better you hear it from me than anyone else_…

"What? Just come out with it. I'm sure I can handle whatever it is." _You just better not be pregnant_.

"Just promise you won't hate me," Ginny said. _Because I'm certain you will_…

"Whatever, Gin. Just tell me," Harry said. _Or I'll hate you for not telling me and mentioning it_.

"I kind of hooked up with Dean when me and you started going out," she let out without a breath. _There, it's out there at least. I hope he doesn't hex me to hell._

Harry blinked. Though this news was far less alarming than her being pregnant, Harry could not help the fury that was coming.

"What do you mean by 'hook up'?" he asked.

"Now, Harry, you said you wouldn't get mad," Ginny said tentatively.

"What do you mean by 'hook up'?" he asked again impatiently.

"Well… we…"

Harry didn't need to hear more. He was torn between throwing up on the spot or throttling his girlfriend. He opted to just leave the room, as the former wouldn't be manly and the latter would most likely send him to Azkaban, or worse, get a beating from Ron.

He stormed out of the room without another word, slamming the door furiously on his way out.

"Harry! Does this mean you're breaking up with me?" Ginny called out desperately. _I pictured this completely differently in my head_…

ooo

Hermione immediately fumbled off the couch and reached for her wand. She wasn't sure which one of the boys to point it at first, but she opted for Theodore, as he was closer.

"_Obli_-" she started but Draco was also up in an instant and he blocked the spell from hitting his friend.

Hermione shrieked then realized she was naked. "_Accio towel_!" And a blue towel came flying down the staircase from her room. She covered herself.

"You are not obliviating anyone, Granger," Draco said, though he had a pounding headache and looked very ill.

Theodore was dressing himself. "Yeah, there's really no need to. It's not like I remember much anyway."

"You're right," Hermione said, nodding her head slowly as if discovering something for the first time. "Obliviate me!"

"What?" Theodore was alarmed and gave Hermione a strange look. "Nobody's obliviating anybody."

Draco suddenly looked extremely ill and dashed to the bathroom. Intense vomiting could now be heard.

"Fine," Hermione said, red in the face. "But if you or Malfoy tell anyone about what happened tonight I'll – I'll… do something very bad in retaliation!"

Theodore rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Granger."

Hermione felt suddenly very stupid as she realized how calm Theodore was about the whole thing. She thought he and Malfoy must wake up together with a naked girl in either of their beds more than often, and she'd now be on that list.

"I take it you two wake up with naked girls a lot, then?" she asked.

"No," Theodore answered. "Besides, Malfoy had nothing to do with last night."

"Yes, but he saw us naked," Hermione said, suddenly feeling ill herself. "You know what, just please don't mention this to anyone-"

Draco came back looking slightly better. "Tell anyone that you and Nott shagged? Why not? I think it's funny! Imagine the faces on Potter and Weasley! And we'd totally be liberating you by letting everyone know you're not such a square."

"Unlike you two, I have a reputation to uphold that doesn't involve flaunting my sex life for appraisal!" Hermione said.

"Who cares?" Draco said. "Everyone's done it. You're not a saint."

"I CARE!" Hermione yelled and then remembered a very useful piece of information. "And I'm sure you care about your reputation involving Pansy. I don't think she'd be too happy if she found out you slept with her best friend's younger sister."

Draco's eyes went wide. "You wouldn't."

"Don't test me," Hermione threatened.

"Alright. We'll all keep our mouths shut then," Theodore said.

"Okay, now both of you, out!" Hermione shrieked.

"Hey, this is my common room too!" Draco countered.

Hermione glared at the two before huffing and puffing her way upstairs.

Draco looked at his best friend. "What was that about?"

"What? She was a good shag."

Draco rolled his eyes. "You've been asking me to bug her with you for weeks. Clearly she's more than just a good shag."

Theodore shrugged. "I donno. Too early to tell."

"Generally people sleep with the girl after they figure they like her," Draco commented. "Anyway, how are you gonna tell the rest of the school you managed to shag Granger?"

"Not scared she'll tell Pans?"

Draco grinned. "It's your ass, not mine."

"How annoyed do you think she'll be?" Theodore asked, noticing that she'd left all her clothes from the night before in the common room.

"Very. Extremely. She'll probably attempt to hex your balls off."

Theodore smirked, picking up her pink knickers. "Perfect."

ooo

Ron and Lavender were so very excited about their news. They were currently giving each other lovesick puppy eyes over breakfast. It was amazing that Ron actually wasn't eating… that is, eating as much as he used to. He took one single bite out of his toast, though it was a rather large bite and he was chewing vigorously.

Harry took a very rough seat next to Ron. Ron and Lavender didn't notice that Harry seemed to be very down and annoyed.

"Guess what, Harry?" Ron said in between mouthfuls of toast.

Harry merely grunted.

"No, Won-Won! We have to wait until Ginny and Hermione and Parvati get here, then we can tell them all!" Lavender said.

"Ginny is the last person I want to see right now," Harry said hotly.

"Hey, what's gotten into you, mate?" Ron asked, though it was a half-hearted question as his eyes were still glued to Lavender.

"Ask your sister… or better yet, ask Dean." Harry glared daggers at Dean, who was confused as to why.

Ron could not respond because Hermione came just then and took a seat next to Harry. She looked equally annoyed and sat down with a slight cringe.

"What was that about?" Ron asked her.

"I slept in a very uncomfortable position last night," Hermione said through clenched teeth.

Ron and Lavender, though asking questions, were oblivious to the dispositions of their current company. After several long moments of waiting, Parvati finally arrived and took a seat next to Lavender.

Lavender squealed, "We'll just have to let Ginny find out eventually then, because I really can't hold it in longer!"

Parvati, though less annoyed than Harry and Hermione, rolled her eyes at the current love bubble her best friend and the red-head were stuck in. "What's the news now?"

"You tell em, love," said Ron with a grin that covered nearly the entire lower region of his face.

"Ron and I are engaged!" Lavender exclaimed, flashing a bright ring off of her left hand.

There was a rather embarrassing and unenthusiastic silence. Harry finally broke it. "Don't you think it's a bit… soon?"

"No. We love each other and we want to make it official. In fact," Ron stood right on the table, bringing Lavender up along with him.

"Ron, get down here!" Hermione said. "You're happy! We get it! But for Merlin's sake!"

Ron cleared his throat loudly enough for everyone in the Great Hall to hear. "Everyone! Lavender and I are engaged!"

There were several uncertain cheers, but eventually people gave wolf-whistles and approving claps. Everyone's attention was on the Gryffindor table where Ron and Lavender stood. They embraced and kissed deeply, again leaving little to the imagination.

This is when Hermione felt something being thrown at her and the attention was now averted to her, as many people were getting a bit disturbed by Ron and Lavender's display.

She picked up her pink knockers from the night before and looked as if she were going to die on the spot. Instinctively, her eyes flew to the Slytherin table where she glared at Draco and he just lifted his hands up as if to say he had nothing to do with it. She turned her eyes to Theodore, who was sitting right next to Draco, and he was grinning.

"You forgot those on your way out, love!" he called out.

There was a silence that would make the most remote spot of the Forbidden Forest seem loud and then a roar of laughter from all four houses.

Harry was caught between hexing Ron and Lavender, who were paying no attention to what just happened and still tangled in each other, and hexing Theodore, who was causing his best friend a great anxiety. But, his attention was on Ginny, who was now walking into the Great Hall and towards him with an anxious look on her face, and this annoyed him immensely.

Hermione was close to running from the hall in tears, but she didn't. Instead, she decided that she was not going to let those Slytherins embarrass her. She was not going to be that innocent girl that everyone thought she was. She was going to retaliate and she was going to play by their rules and that meant she had to play dirty and think quick.

Once the laughing died down, she called out, "Your performance was so disappointing, there was really nothing I wanted to remember about it." Hermione stood up, smiled at Theodore sweetly, and threw her underwear back at him. "So, you can keep them, and that night, to yourself." And now all the tables stared at Theodore and laughed at him as Hermione walked out of the hall with a smug smile on her face.

Harry was about to dash after her to figure out what that whole ordeal was all about, but Ginny stopped him.

"Harry, can we please talk?"

Sadly, Ron and Lavender were still going at it when McGonagall finally entered the hall and forced the two lovebirds apart by wand, which meant that all the attention was back at the Gryffindor table.

"There's nothing to talk about!" Harry roared. "Cheating is still cheating, Gin, no matter how early in the relationship it was."

Even Ron and Lavender finally paid attention, thinking that cheating was the most absurd thing any person could do, as they would not do it to each other under any circumstances. Ginny seemed shocked for a moment as the silence engulfed the hall once again. Then, she glared at Harry, "Yes, Harry, just throw our business out there!"

Harry gave her an equally testing stare. "It's not 'our' anymore, Gin." Then he stalked off out of the hall.

Ginny turned her head on the rest of the room, "Mind your business!" And instantly the hall was filled with talk again – of the recent gossip, no doubt.

Theodore was finally broken out of his reverie and after many questioning looks from his house, he dashed out the hall himself to find Hermione. She had just finished talking to Harry, who was going up the stairs shaking his head disapprovingly. He grabbed Hermione's arm just in time and spun her around to face him.

"What the hell are you playing at, Granger?"

She brushed his hand off of her. "You didn't keep your word."

"You could've just said I stole your knickers from your room or something! You insulted my… manhood!"

Hermione grunted. "You Slytherins play dirty, I play dirty back."

Theodore looked at her darkly. "I will get you back."

"And I will retaliate, just like I told you I would."

The two parted their ways roughly. Theodore had a plan. This was war.

ooo

A/N: I'm honestly having a blast writing this! So hopefully people will like it too! If not, that's okay at least I had fun writing! Next chapter is called: Knicker Twisters! Review and tell me what you think!


	3. Knicker Twisters

Disclaimer: I always forget these, but I think it's pretty apparent that HP is not mine.

**Chapter Three**

When Hermione got back to her room, she waited for Draco like a hawk on its prey. She hid herself strategically placed so that when Draco walked in she could immediately attack and corner him.

The timing was perfect. Once Draco closed the door she jumped up and pinned him to the corner of the nearest wall.

"Merlin, Granger! I had nothing to do with what Nott just pulled!"

"I want to know what he's up to," she said, eyes full of satanic determination.

"I don't know!" Draco exclaimed, suddenly fearful for his life as the glint in her eye was quite disturbing.

"You know what I have on you, Malfoy."

Draco glared. "So? I really don't know what he's up to!" _Not yet at least_, he thought.

Hermione gave him a curious look. "You're going to help me then."

"What? Are you insane?"

"I won't need you just yet. I'll wait for him to strike. It's his turn. I'll play fair for now, but you remember that you're helping me out, understood?"

"Are you blackmailing me?" Draco asked incredulously.

"Yes, I am," she said matter-of-factly as she let him go.

Draco contemplated on what she'd threatened for the rest of the day. She wouldn't really blackmail him. She had been acting daring lately, but let's face it. She wasn't a Slytherin…right? In any case, the idea had him bothered and she looked absolutely insane while she spoke to him. He was bothered, so bothered, that when dinner came and Theodore told him he needed his help in his comeback, Draco actually hesitated.

"What?" Draco said blinking.

"You said she leaves her outfit laid out on her bed every morning, right? And after she showers she puts those clothes on? Well, I have an idea…"

Draco gulped. Theodore was going on about some naughty underwear he'd found at a joke shop in Diagon Alley, but Draco wasn't listening. Should he risk Hermione's threat and help his best friend out? Theodore's plan was hilarious, after all, and he couldn't wait to see the look on her face. It was Hermione Granger for Merlin's sake! She didn't have the guts to really blackmail him! But still, the thought had Draco looking at Pansy right then and possibly confessing everything before someone else told her.

"What is wrong with you?" Theodore asked Draco in an exasperated tone.

"Huh?" Draco said stupidly. "Yeah, okay. I'll help you."

Of course he'd help his friend! Hermione wasn't a threat. Besides, even if he did help Theodore, Hermione didn't have to know. He licked his lips nervously before diving into his food.

ooo

Ginny was casually walking down the halls, pondering on what she could do to make Harry realize she really did love him and that she was sorry. The most logical thing to do was give him time and let him come to her when he was ready. That plan wouldn't do though, as there was no guarantee he would actually come back.

This is when Ginny saw Harry and Cho in deep conversation at the entrance to the Great Hall on her way to dinner. It made her insides boil. So this is how he wanted to play, was it?

She bumped into him harshly. "Excuse you."

He just ignored her and continued talking to Cho animatedly.

_Why that little_!

Ginny knew what she had to do then and it wouldn't be pretty. She would start tomorrow at lunch. Tonight, she would plan.

Harry was truthfully just talking to Cho about Quidditch, but when he saw Ginny, he decided to take it up a notch and show extreme interest in Cho's conversation. He wanted to make Ginny as mad as he had been. He wanted to teach her a lesson.

Of course, he didn't expect her to be that angry. She deserved it! But if she intended to get him back, she better had play nice, because if she didn't, he'd play just as dirty as her.

ooo

Hermione's first class of the day was Advanced Potions with Snape. She laid her clothes out on her bed and took a nice, warm shower that morning to wake her up. She walked happily to class and took her usual seat at the front of the classroom, waiting for Harry to come join her. He wasn't there yet, but it was to be expected as she was the first one in class as usual. She opened her book to study the lecture on an Aging Potion they'd be learning about, which was kind of pointless as she'd read it about five times already.

She was interrupted when Theodore plopped on the seat next to her. She narrowed her eyes. "If this is your idea at getting back at me, then it's tremendously weak. Besides, I don't think Harry will be happy to see you in his seat."

"Oh, I'm not staying. I just came to say I hope you have a _good_ morning," Theodore said happily.

She stared at him.

"See you later, then," and with a wink he went to join Draco at the back of the classroom.

She thought the whole ordeal odd and suspicious, but when Harry finally took a seat next to her she forgot about her suspicions and focused on his issues.

"What Ginny did was wrong, but what are you playing at by flirting with Cho?"

"I'm trying to teach her a lesson and if she gets dirty, there's no telling where this will end up…" Harry said darkly.

"Shouldn't you want to be more mature about this?" Hermione asked.

"Pfft," Harry said. "Says the one who's in her own war…"

But they could not continue their conversation because Snape had walked in and glared at everyone before demanding they all turn to page 394. Everyone went silent and shuffled through the pages.

"Can anybody tell me what exactly the Aging Potion does?" he skimmed over the classroom and ignored Hermione's lone arm in the air, resting his eyes on Harry instead.

"How about you, Mr. Potter?" he sneered and the hair on his head seemed more greasy, if at all possible. The students feared it would start dripping soon if he didn't clean it.

"Sir, I haven't the slightest clue," Harry admitted immediately, garnering a few snickers from his fellow classmates. He had learned over the years with Snape that it was best to be brutally honest than sarcastic or try to answer stupidly. Harry knew his lack of fight infuriated Snape more and it made him giggle (inside of course as he would never actually giggle out loud).

"Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape said coldly. Then he finally called on Hermione. "Yes, Miss Granger? Care to grace us with that voice of yours you love so much…"

"The Aging Potion, depending on the length of time brewed-" then she slightly squirmed. Did her knickers just… move? "- can speed up the aging process-" she held her breath, "-as fast as one year per-" she quickly clenched her thighs together. Her knickers were vibrating against _her_ slowly. "-second – I mean minute."

Snape grudgingly agreed with her, but the rest of the class did not miss her slight disturbance. Snape began talking some more about the Aging Potion as Hermione suddenly looked very red. The vibrating stopped after a minute.

"What's wrong with you?" Harry whispered.

"I-" Hermione began as her knickers started again, this time a little bit faster. "There's something – wrong-" and she gripped the right side of her desk hard. "- with my-" and the last bit she breathed out in a loud whisper hotly, "knickers!"

The whole class heard the last word and even Snape stopped his sentence at "very tricky to make," before rounding on Hermione and saying, "Is there anything you'd like to share with the class, Miss Granger?"

Hermione turned even more red. "No, sir." And with a glare, Snape continued. Hermione opted to just pass Harry notes, but the vibrating in her knickers increased and intensified so much she started to breath heavily. She gripped her quill so hard she thought she'd surely break it. She wrote: "Look around. Someone's bewitched my knickers to move! And don't you dare laugh!"

But Harry couldn't help but smirk at the very pained and pleasured expression on his best friend's face after reading the note. He studied the classroom and soon spotted Draco and Theodore playing with a trinket behind their books.

Harry cast the Muffliato Charm on Snape and said, "It's Malfoy and Nott." And he couldn't help but grin because the blokes sure had balls to pull this one on Hermione.

Hermione clenched her teeth and the desk as the knickers were starting to move at top speed. "Harry, I need – to – get out – of here!"

"Snape probably won't let you go to the bathroom! You know how he is during lecture," Harry said sympathetically, though a sick part of him wanted to see what would happen next.

"Then cast – the – it – on the rest of the class – and yourself! NOW!" she managed to breath out, her eyes shut tight, but he couldn't do it on time. Everyone was already staring at her odd behavior by the time she let out a very loud moan.

Draco and Theodore let out a snicker. Hermione raised her hand after catching her breath, "Professor, I need to use the bathroom, it's an emergency!" And before Snape could even respond she was out of her seat and out the door. She was near the girls' bathroom when she felt another movement in her knickers and her legs wobbled and she nearly fell. Someone caught her though. She turned around to look at Theodore and instinctively threw him into the nearest broom closet. She thought quick (and though she wouldn't admit it, under the lust of what just happened) and decided if they wanted to play dirty, she would do just that and confuse them along the way.

"I just wanted to check if you were okay," Theodore said innocently. She couldn't see him clearly in the dark but she knew he was grinning. "Or you know, if you need some help with your little problem…"

She grabbed his robes and kissed him hard on the mouth. He was shocked and rigid at first, but he soon joined in on the kiss. She deepened the kiss, pressing herself against him and admittedly losing herself a little. Right when he was about to start fondling her, she pulled away and pushed him as far as the small space permitted.

"I'm going to destroy you," she promised. "And Malfoy." She grabbed the trinket he had in his hands and threw him out of the closet roughly. She stepped out a second later to see him disheveled on the floor. To the many onlookers, she said to him, "If you couldn't get it up the other night, what makes you think it'd work today?" And she walked away haughtily as the onlookers roared with laughter.

Once safe in her bedroom, she quickly changed her underwear and looked at the tag. It had a gold 'W' printed on it. She then looked at the trinket she'd stolen from Theodore. It had 'Knicker Twister' embroidered in gold at the top, with buttons underneath. She intended to have a talk with Fred and George about the kinds of products they sold in their shop! But first, she would plan her next move.

ooo

Harry still had a stupid smile on his face at the memories of Hermione's outburst this morning. It was just so hilarious. He really had to give it to Draco and Theodore. He wished he thought of doing that to someone first, truth be told.

His smile was wiped off his face, however, when he walked into the Great Hall for lunch to see Ginny sitting close to Dean. Too close. They weren't exactly touching, but Harry could see that she was very interested in what Dean had to say about the current plate of food in front of him. There was nothing for Harry to do, much as he wanted to. There was nothing fishy going on. That is until Ginny's arm snaked around Dean's shoulders. Harry nearly lost it and he was gaping at her, turning red, no doubt, when someone tapped him tentatively on the shoulder.

"There's wrackspurts all over you, Harry," Luna said, trying to whack some away with her hand. "What are you envious about?"

Harry was strangely calmed in this girl's presence. It must have had something to do with her serene voice. "Er," Harry began, not knowing what exactly to say. Would Luna actually understand?

"It's okay, Harry. I see that Dean and Ginny are being very friendly. Something to be very envious about," Luna said, nodding her head. "Well if I were you, there's only one way to play this."

Harry stared at the blonde. He wondered what outlandish thing she'd come up with now, perhaps something to do with gnargles or vampires…

"Dirty, of course," Luna said seriously.

Had he heard her correctly?

"Come again?"

Luna then whispered in Harry's ear, slightly catching Ginny's attention, "Cho's walking into the hall right behind you. If you want to seem like you're making a move, do it now."

Harry was seriously shocked. Did Luna just suggest that she try and make Ginny jealous? He watched as Luna took a seat next to Neville to talk about other creatures, or possibly things that he didn't think Luna actually talked about, but what she said finally clicked as he saw Cho pass by.

Trying to make it look as slick as possible without giving Cho the wrong impression, Harry approached Cho cheerfully. "Cho, care to join me in the library?"

She looked at him brightly. "I have a free period before DADA. I suppose I could use some studying for that subject."

"Right then, me too." Harry led the way out the Great Hall, but not before he caught Ginny's face: she looked absolutely livid.

Ginny wasn't sure what Luna had told Harry, but she was sure it had to do with the display that she'd just seen. So Harry had reinforcements, did he? Ginny needed to step her game up. She needed more than just Dean for Harry to gape at. She needed Michael Corner and someone else. She was torn between flirting with Cormac McLaggen, Zacharias Smith, and Blaise Zabini. Which one of those did Harry hate the most again? Ah, screw it. She chose to go with just Michael and Dean for now, as the other three options just seemed too desperate.

ooo

A/N: Well I had fun writing it. Obviously the idea of the vibrating knickers is not original. I got it from the movie The Ugly Truth, though I'm sure there are many other places its been used. Anyway, review and tell me what you think! ;)


	4. The DADA Teacher

Disclaimer: JK proudly owns HP.

**Chapter Four**

With everything that was happening, Harry was a little bit weary going to his DADA class. Not only would Hermione, Draco, and Theodore be in that class, but so would Cho, who he was walking with, Pansy, who would be whining to Draco the whole time, and to his greatest dismay, Ron and Lavender, who would most likely be leeched together in a battle of the lips. How Lavender got into this Advanced DADA class was beyond him, but then again Pansy was in there too…

Harry intended to take his normal seat next to Hermione, but Cho looked so lonely by herself, since Marrieta couldn't make it to class. So Harry hoped Hermione wouldn't hex him to hell and took a seat next to Cho instead.

When Hermione walked into class she hadn't expected Harry to be sitting with Cho. She mouthed 'traitor' before taking a seat in her normal place in front of the classroom. But she was now beginning to understand the lengths one must reach for revenge.

Draco walked in with Pansy and she had yet to turn on him. He looked very pale upon seeing Hermione and quickly cowered away but Hermione merely just smiled pleasantly. This scared Draco even more.

Theodore walked in and smiled slyly to himself when he noticed that Hermione was seated by herself and Harry with Cho. This had him nearly skipping to sit next to Hermione.

"Hi," he said sweetly.

She ignored him.

The rest of the class quieted down when Professor Dumbledore entered the classroom in his midnight blue robes and half-moon spectacles.

"Good afternoon, class," he said happily.

Ron whispered over to Harry from a table away, "Remind me again why Dumbledore decided to start teaching this class."

"He said his headmaster duties were really boring and no one would dare try to kill the DADA teacher if it was him," Harry replied.

"Today class, I will list all the Dark Magic that you are prohibited to ever use in your life and subjects on which you will never ever learn about while here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore stated, walking around the classroom with his hands behind his back.

Hermione had no one to whisper to, so she just said under her breath, "That doesn't really make sense. Why mention it?"

Theodore heard her and said, "I can think of a lot of dark things you and I could do."

Again, she ignored him, but she gave him the faintest glance.

"But first," Dumbledore said, "I've heard of some news? Mr. Weasley and Miss Brown?"

Lavender beamed, "We're engaged!"

"That's wonderful!" Dumbledore said. "If I may ask, where do you plan to hold this wedding at?"

"We haven't really decided. Maybe the burrow…" Ron said.

"How is this news relevant to Dark Arts?" Harry asked aloud, but was met with no reaction.

"Well seeing as you both met here at Hogwarts, I thought I'd offer the castle up for a wedding, if you were up to it, of course," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

Ron and Lavender beamed again, exuding a glow that was nearly visible and blinding to the eye.

"That would be wonderful, Professor!"

The rest of the class tried to keep from groaning. Why was Dumbledore punishing them so?

"I think you should aim for a Christmas or spring wedding," Dumbledore suggested. "Surely before the holidays, so everyone could attend." This suggestion actually garnered a groan from several brave students.

"Really, couldn't they talk about this in private?" Hermione whispered. "I'd like to pass my NEWT exams!"

"So Slytherin's having a Halloween party this weekend. Care to join?" Theodore asked.

Hermione finally rounded on him. "What makes you think I'd want to go to a Halloween party hosted by your house?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Guess maybe relive some of this weekend? Or, you know, you still have those special knickers. We could play around with those too."

He was baiting her and she knew it. He didn't like surprises so he just wanted to outright see what she'd do in retaliation to what he'd done to her earlier. But she wasn't stupid. She was going to play it cool and strike when he least expected. This class time was for revenge on Draco.

He thought he was safe by sending Theodore to sit next to Hermione, but Draco was far from safe. What Hermione had planned for him would scar him for the rest of the day.

Hermione waited for the right moment as Dumbledore proceeded to explain Dark Magic that they didn't even need to know about and would never be allowed to use as long as he lived and owned the Elder Wand, which he wouldn't hesitate to use on any of those who tried to defy him. She glanced behind her and noticed that Draco and Pansy were being naughty. They were more discreet than Ron and Lavender, who were whispering and giggling obviously, but anyone who looked for details could see that Draco and Pansy were being just as bad.

Right when Draco was about to kiss Pansy, Hermione pointed her wand and silently cast a spell.

Draco opened his eyes from quickly pecking Pansy and screamed.

Pansy was so startled she nearly fell out of her chair.

"What the hell? How did you get here? You're supposed to be sitting over there with Granger! You just let me kiss you!" Draco shrieked, clearly confused.

"Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore said. "Your outburst has interrupted my lesson and I would like to know why. Are you ill?"

"Professor, I was sure I was sitting next to Pansy and now I'm sitting next to Nott. How did that happen?"

Dumbledore blinked. "You are sitting next to Miss Parkinson."

"No I'm…" Draco said slowly. Then he looked at Hermione. "Take it off! Take it off now!"

Theodore looked confused as well. "What?" He looked at Hermione who looked just as innocent as ever. "What's he seeing?"

"From what it looks like, he sees you trying to touch him," she couldn't help but grin as Theodore shuddered.

"I'm not touching you, idiot! I'm over here!" Theodore called out, but Draco wasn't listening.

Things didn't help when Pansy tried to soothe him because all Draco could see was Theodore trying to touch him.

Draco nearly shrieked. "Merlin, Pansy stop touching me!"

The rest of the class could not help but laugh at the most bizarre situation at hand. Even Ron and Lavender stopped fooling around to witness it.

"Miss Granger, what is he talking about?" Dumbledore asked, though a curious twinkle was in his eye. Had the latest gossip reached the old headmaster himself?

"I haven't the slightest clue, Professor," Hermione said innocently.

"She's lying!" Draco said again.

Pansy was so confused. She just tried to comfort her boyfriend again by wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Draco, I'm here! It's me, sweetie," she soothed.

"Ahhhhhh! Granger, please! I'm sorry about the knicker incident! I swear, just take off this damn spell! I can't take it!" Draco yelled. "Pansy quit touching me, for Merlin's sake! Don't you understand that I just see Theo touching me!"

Finally Dumbledore stared down at Draco. "Mr. Malfoy, you have a wand. If there has been some spell put upon you, surely you can take it off yourself."

But Draco was too disturbed to do anything. Finally, Dumbledore just flicked his wand and Hermione's curse was broken.

Draco wasn't paying attention though. He had his eyes shut tight with Pansy still wrapped around him.

"Open your eyes, you twit," Pansy said.

Draco did and was relieved to see that it was his girlfriend holding him and not his best friend. But, he fainted anyway at the shock of it all.

ooo

Harry and Hermione were walking down to the Great Hall together for dinner.

"So, what have you got planned for Nott?" Harry asked.

"I'm not quite sure yet," Hermione replied. "But I'm going to need Malfoy for it. Hopefully the stunt today scared him enough to obey me."

Harry nodded. "I admit what they pulled on you this morning was wicked though. Seriously, I'd pay to see your face again."

Hermione slapped her best friend lightly on the arm. "It won't happen again!" Then she noticed a pair of people in the corner of her eye. "Speaking of wicked, look who's passing by."

Sure enough, Harry spotted Ginny passing by, now latched on to Michael Corner's arm. She was laughing airily and swinging her hips and long, red hair as she passed by. She threw Harry a pleasant glance and this is when Harry decided he'd have to use Hermione as a pawn in his game as well. He threw an arm around her shoulders and whispered, "Play along!"

Hermione nearly screamed, but she allowed Harry to walk her down the hall with his arm around her like that. Ginny gave her the dirtiest look before turning back around to give all her attention to Michael.

Once Ginny was out of sight, Hermione said, "Did you see that look she gave me? I can't believe you've involved me in your fight with her!"

Harry noticed that Ginny and Michael were not headed to the Great Hall for dinner but a different direction. So she was taking him to a secluded classroom, was she?

His arm gripped around Hermione's shoulders tighter. "Arm around my waist. People have to see this so they can get the news to her."

Hermione stopped in her tracks and stomped her foot. "I'm not going to be a part of this, Harry!"

"Come on!" he insisted. "We're just walking together. It doesn't mean anything. It'll just get people talking is all."

"There's nothing for me to gain out of this, Harry! I'll only be losing a friend."

"I'll help you get back at Nott. I'll do anything," Harry said desperately.

Hermione looked at him strangely. She hadn't intended to use Harry in her revenge against Theodore, but if he was willing to do anything she'd definitely find use for him.

"I have your word?" Hermione asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Harry was a bit frightened but his need to win his game was also dire. "Yes."

Hermione put an arm lovingly around Harry's waist and together they walked.

"Look alive," Harry mumbled just as they entered the hall.

At first, nobody paid attention, but soon everyone gaped at the two walking together. Hermione's eyes went over to where Theodore was sitting and he had an amused expression on his face.

"You think this is her comeback?" Theodore nudged Draco.

"Don't touch me!" Draco shrieked, still traumatized from the earlier events.

"For Merlin's sake, Draco!" Theodore exclaimed.

"I'm staying out of this. Just… let me be," Draco said.

"Fine," Theodore rolled his eyes. "But this comeback is rather lame, don't you think?"

Draco looked at Harry and Hermione walking too close together and was immediately disturbed. He shook his head. "No, she's up to something else. This show is a favor for Potter, it seems. He looks entirely too happy. It's fake. And it's Granger and Potter, they're like brother and sister, aren't they?"

Pansy took a seat next to Draco and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Hello, Draco, love."

"Hi," Draco said.

"You know with all the marriage talk surrounding Weasley and that cow he's going out with, what is it, Brown? And even the blossoming romance between Potter and Granger-"

"It's not real," Theodore interrupted defensively.

Draco gave him a knowing look. "Jealous much?"

"Well," Theodore said, covering up, "It's like you said, isn't it? It's fake. Anyway, she threw me in a broom closet earlier and snogged me, so I don't see how she's already with Potter. And he just broke up with Weasley yesterday."

"She what?" Draco exclaimed. "You didn't tell me all that! This totally changes the game!"

"Ahem," Pansy interrupted clearly not interested in what the boys were discussing. "The whole… ambiance of the place has got me thinking about when _you're_ going to propose, Draco." She smiled hopefully, like she expected Draco to pull out a ring right then and there and jump on a table, as Lavender and Ron had, to announce the news.

Draco stared at her in disbelief. Theodore was finding it hard not to laugh.

"You… can't be serious, Pans," Draco finally said.

Pansy's face switched from anxious to angry instantly. "What's that supposed to mean, Draco?"

"I only mean – we've been together, what, two months?" Draco spluttered.

"Am I not wife material? Answer me!" she demanded.

"No – I mean – we just, we're only 17!"

"We're of age!" Pansy yelled.

The timing could not be worse for Draco because right then and there, Astoria greeted him with a "Hi, Draco," before walking off with a wink. This was not at all missed by Pansy, or everyone in the hall for that matter. Even Harry and Hermione's stunt didn't hold eyes anymore as they took a seat next to Ron and Lavender at their table.

"Ohhhh…" Pansy said in a deadly tone. "I see now."

Draco gulped and whispered to Theodore. "Help me."

Pansy said, "It's over, Draco." She stalked off to sit next to Blaise and Daphne. She was scooting a little too close to Blaise, for Draco's liking.

Draco was too shocked to say anything.

"You just got dumped in front of the entire school," Theodore said. "And your ex is flirting with Zabini."

This was probably the worst day Draco had ever had in his whole seven years so far at Hogwarts. He could play dirty along with the rest of the school, but he really just didn't have the energy to, at least not yet. He needed to relax for the night and then think about what he could do tomorrow. He needed to get to his room before Hermione got there because she'd surely have something up her sleeve, so he dashed out of the Great Hall then.

This is precisely when Dumbledore decided to make an announcement. Everyone ceased their talk on the new gossip and listened to him.

"I am aware that this weekend is Halloween. We will have our usual feast, but I'm guessing it isn't the only thing you lot are looking forward to. So, please heed my warning. I ask you to be nice to each other, do not let anyone younger than the age of 15 join in on the festivities, and try to choose butterbeer or mead over Firewhiskey, as the latter usually causes quite a mess." He chuckled before joining his fellow staff members in conversation.

"He's a complete nutter now, isn't he?" Ron said to his company quietly.

"I think Professor Dumbledore's just misunderstood," said Hermione. "He's the life of the party, really. I bet he was a real wild one during his day."

"Hey, what was up with you two?" Ron suddenly said accusingly to his two best friends. "Trying to hurt Ginny?"

"Hurt? She's the one who's run off to some secluded classroom with Michael Corner!" Harry replied.

"Corner? Has she gone mad as well?" Ron said incredulously.

Lavender soothed him. "Honey, remember we musn't bother with others' business. We have a lot ahead of us to plan…"

Ron immediately forgot all concern for anyone else and looked at Lavender lovingly. "You're right love. The kids can take care of themselves." And they began touching noses and gazing into each other's eyes without a care in the world.

"Ugh," Hermione looked disgusted, as did Harry. "Anyway, Harry, I've found use for you. Since I don't have blackmail on Malfoy anymore, I've had to alter plans. We've got some parties to crash this weekend." She began giving Harry the details of her new plan, which would benefit them both.

ooo

A/N: I saw Deathly Hallows Part 1 this weekend and thought it was fantastic! Anyway, here's another cracked out chapter for a pretty cracked out story.


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